Reach Out

 

It is not unusual to have thoughts of suicide. Some writers have even suggested that each of
us will consider suicide, no matter how briefly, at least once in our lives.
That having a thought about suicide is a universal human experience. Having the
thought is ‘normal’. The key then
becomes, how to deal with this thought.

 

As ‘helpers’ we have an image of ourselves as being the
one others come to when they are in need. We are the strong ones. We don’t
let others down. We have the answers and
the solutions when life presents impossible situations. Who could we possibly turn to when we are out
of answers? Who could possibly help us
when we feel hopeless? How can the helpers be helped?

 

The key is delay. Delay between the thought and any action towards attempting self
harm. Delay…to find options. To find surprises of people who will provide
support. Delay until the feelings pass
and alternatives become more apparent. Delay, which becomes much easier when not under the influence of alcohol
or drugs, delay which becomes easier when the firearm, loaded, is not within
arms reach. Delay, hold fast, above all,
do not act on the thought. Time and
delay will offer a solution. And, reach out.

 

Reach out, no matter how hopeless you feel, no matter the
despair. When we are thinking of
suicide, we feel utterly alone, and utterly without options. Reaching out to someone, almost anyone will
help with these feelings. A simple
statement:” I’m in trouble here and I need some advice. ” “I’m at a crossroads and I don’t know how to
proceed”.  

 

At times when I’ve felt most vulnerable, I’ve reached out
to paid professionals. I prefer the
control I have over confidentiality when I am paying someone to give me
advice. A family physician. A psychologist. A CISM team member. All are bound by confidentiality and all have
specialized training in dealing with lifes most difficult circumstances.

 

It is important also, to reach out to friends or
peers. Chosen carefully, for their
ability to respond with understanding and constructive support, knowing they
will not gossip or be judgemental is key. Reveal details of your situation as
you are comfortable, sometimes just saying “ I’m having a hard time right now”.

 

Most of the FireFighters I’ve known see themselves as
‘tough guys’, capable of braving the worst circumstances as a matter of
routine. So being overwhelmed, or in
need, is not easily admitted. Firehouse
values often talk of those who suicide as weak, or ‘not right in the first
place’. You’ve all responded to the
aftermath of successful suicides. That’s
them, not us. Far to many FF use alcohol
to blot out the painful feelings.

 

 

A new day is upon us. In the military, in the fireservice, and in law enforcement, it has
become accepted that facing stress and challenge as a matter of course in our
jobs, as our personal lives surprise us with seemingly insurmountable
challenges….asking for help, recognizing when we need assistance, getting
support, is part of our professional responsibility. And we will all need to do it at some point
in our careers.

 

There is no problem which cannot be overcome. There are so many methods of solution
available in todays complex world. There
is a solution that can be tailored to every circumstance. Delay action, reach out, begin a search for
your solution. There is hope. This column is about hope, and we will make it
available to you, as needed. We hope you
will share how you have found hope, with others.

 

 

Francine M. Roberts R.N., Psy.D

Registered Nurse, Virtua Voorhees Emergency Department
Licensed Psychologist, Private Practice

 

Dr. Roberts has been a registered nurse for 27 years. She
has a doctoral degree in clinical psychology and is in private practice in
Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Ohio. He specializes in assisting first
responders as well as post deployment adjustment for our military men and
women.