OUR JUDGEMENT, PARENTING & SCREAMING PAIN
Happy New Year 2009 (The Secret List) www.FireFighterCloseCalls.com
Hey…
Another year gone by. Wonderful. No, really-WONDERFUL. First of all, personally, it’s been a wonderful year. I have aged fairly well according to me. And still going to and working at fires. Stop-do not write me and talk to me about fire prevention right now, I just need a moment…I became a FF in ’73 to go to fires and I am well aware that soon, there won’t be any more fires…so just leave the runs (and me) alone for now. The taxpayers, the FF’s and companies we respond with generally made it out safe from those runs. We saved a lot of stuff. As I said: Wonderful.
The most important thing that has happened this year, in addition to a successful colonoscopy (had one yet? Don’t get "behind"…) is that I became a Grandpa. I love being a Daddy and I am beyond proud of my kids. As many of you are…but now this: Grand-Daddying…whoa! …way too cool. My family is deeply blessed and I am deeply in love-so just leave me alone if I start staring at pictures that I also force you to look at, or if I start talking about the wonder-filled young lad …or if I just start daydreaming, drooling and uttering some gibberish words that only he and I understand. Being “Poppie” is a trillion times better than wonderful.. and even more than that.
Being a Parent is a blessing and almost always awesome.
But sometimes being a parent is horrifically painful.
S c r e a m i n g l y painful.
Please read on.
Did some bad things happen to me this year? A few…but too few to mention (sorry Frank). Overall I am blessed, lucky, fortunate and all that stuff and I wish that blessing on anyone reading one word of this piece. But odd’s are, most of you are about as lucky as I am. We get to be firefighters. We made it home. We have "someones" in our lives that love us. We are generally healthy. Not all-but most. Are we always happy? No. But that’s sometimes up to us…and sometimes up to others. And sometimes it’s about the judgment (and perspective) applied on both sides of trying to be happy. Sometimes we have a reason to be unhappy.
Sometimes it’s valid. But sometimes, in our brotherhood …(which, of course, includes the girls too-all the same to us on this job) …we whine about some of the most b s stuff.
-"The new sofas in the firehouse aren’t comfortable"
-"Those new probies are worthless"…"Well, then train them"…"Nuh-uh-they aren’t my problem"
-"I was late to work but it wasn’t my fault-this FD is the worst"
-"Our crew was woken up 3 times to go to EMS runs last night…just because some morons didn’t feel well"
-"Ewwww…yuck…they used WTF!? in The Secret List again"
-"I don’t like these new policies-I ain’t gonna follow ’em-so there"
-"He s*cks. She s*cks. It s*cks. They s*ck. Everything at this FD s*cks. We all s*ck (the team version)…"
If that’s how you feel-quickly get Rick Lasky’s book. Read it. Do what he says. Quickly. Or give it to those who need it. Try to fix your FD. Or get to EAP. Or find a different FD. Or maybe find something new to do.
OUR OWN JUDGEMENT:
Before I, you or we start whining about something in the firehouse-we need to think and apply some GOOD JUDGMENT before running the mouth, the pen-or the keyboard. We ALL do. Easy said-hard to always do. Sometimes our ever so fragile emotions get involved and boom…there we go! Off to the races with our mouth, comments, thoughts and opinions. And sometimes those comments are about the “Brothers” or “Sisters” we work with. Ahh-the Brotherhood!
Be careful. Remember B.M.A.
As an old timer once said: “I’ll let you know when I am your brother”….
A while back, a friend told me to stop telling him when things are going well. He won’t like reading this…but he’ll be OK. I am lucky…but may not be tomorrow. But right now, today, things are decent. Very little to whine about…and as we know on this job especially, that can and will change at some point. That’s just the way it is. But for now: good health, good FD, great family …and then there is that sweet Grand baby boy!
Judgment is kind of like the rudder in the boat. While we go about our lives (da boat), judgment is what we use to steer what we do and how we do it-good and bad. Sometimes judgment is easy-sometimes it is rough …but it is always the common denominator in the final outcome. Sometimes we can go back and fix our "not so good" judgment but sometimes we (and others) may be stuck with our judgment. We have all had our turn in the barrel when it comes to poor judgment. Part of life.
For example, if you want to buy someone a gift, the judgment to do so is based upon them being worthy of that gift and…if you have the cash. Easy judgment. Even if they weren’t worthy, WTF!, ya got them a gift. At least they will they THINK you like’m.
On the other hand, when you pull up and the fire is rolling, you have to do a quick sizeup and use dead serious judgment based upon your fire experience and training in steering that “boat” to a good outcome. In that case, judgment affects many more than the just the person using their judgment. Poor judgment at a fire or emergency by one person can affect many.
In 2008, there have been plenty of cases to look at where we-or someone else affecting us, used judgment with good…not so good…or horrible outcomes.
Most recently, well documented career criminal and paraplegic Taye in Delaware used horrific judgment in deciding to AGAIN drive a car that he had no license for. He further used his horrific judgment in getting tuned up before, and possibly while driving that car. His pre-nightmarish judgment further continued in the sewer as he drove someone else’s car. More poor judgment on their part for allowing Taye to drive that car-if you even want to call it driving. Criminal Taye drove using sticks to control gas and brakes. Poor judgment….again. And then he ran over and eventually killed FF Michelle Smith-and critically injuring her patient. The same FF Smith who used good judgment that evening to volunteer to help out at another fire company by covering their EMS runs. And then, in the final act of intentionally poor judgment, someone swung by the crash, someone took Career Criminal Taye away…leaving FF Smith to die. And she did. She will be buried Monday.
Good police work using good and careful judgment in Delaware nailed Criminal Taye. But after being in prison for just a little while, poor judgment allowed him to be free. The roads of Delaware were again, very unsafe. Of course we know there are laws and sometimes bad guys have to be let free. Again, it’s based upon law, but also judgment. In this case, upon first looking at the law, it was felt that they couldn’t hold him. But after looking at it again, and fully investigating the law and the options within the law, those judging, and The Judge, had the chance to improve on their initial judgment and grab Criminal Taye. They did and his tush in now back in the slammer-where it absolutely belongs. Thank you Judge. An example of how sometimes, we do have a chance to go back and alter our initial judgment. We are lucky when that happens. But sometimes it doesn’t happen. For example, if Criminal Taye wanted to "turn back the hands of time" and alter his decisions of repeated landfill worthy judgment, he couldn’t, he killed a Firefighter. Too late now. There is no turning around the fact that FF Michelle Smith’s daughter is now mommy-less. We are pretty sure that Criminal Taye will pay for his crime. We are also pretty sure that he probably doesn’t care about what happened.
Hopefully we are wrong. We are once in a while.
That’s the difference between most firefighters, judges, cops and others. Most of us care at varied degrees because if we didn’t, we wouldn’t do what we do. And because we have the chance to do what we do, we also must take our training and experience to constantly try to apply good judgement. When we don’t, we can sometimes alter it and make it “better” but sometimes we cannot.
As we hope and pray for the recovery of another Delaware Firefighter, Will Breasure, we also are sure that if he could go back and reverse his judgment to belt in before responding, he would. Agree? Then keep praying for young Will but also, make sure you and your members put your frickn seat belts on.
We are getting better.
More and more FF’s are belting in.
But some are slipping by.
By hard training and tough enforcement by fire officers, we can be altered into applying smart judgment when getting in the rig, the car or whatever. When we heard about Will Breasure…we all hope and pray he will be ok. That’s good. We need to do that. But then we also have to focus HARD on ourselves and our own FD’s…just never budge any vehicle without a belt on and the problem gets solved. And it’s not just in Delaware.
It’s everywhere. Look at the recent fire apparatus crashes w/ injuries in NYC. Or the ones in California. Or Mississippi. No FD is immune to the issues of incomplete self or company officer judgment.
Remember NTS ? (Non Thinking Syndrome) – it’s laced with judgment stuff.
When we look at some of the LODD’s and critical injuries in 2008-or even 10 years ago, it’s hard to not think about judgment. For example, just last night, New Years Eve, we received an e-mail from a Firefighters Father about a decision he made using his own personal, and deeply thought out personal judgment. He decided he wanted to take his e-mail off The Secret List. That happens from time to time. Sometimes because some people feel our language is too rough. Well, we do try and balance that so the city hall SPAM systems won’t block important info related to our survival. But we also wonder what firehouses some folks work in were the language doesn’t get a little rough once in a while…usually to "colorfully" express a point. Call me weak, but sometimes those words help.
SCREAMING PAIN
Sometimes people drop off TSL because they disagree with our occasional commentary or rare cynicism. We’ll miss you. Really. But sometimes it is for reasons that rip right through your heart. Sometimes the reason is because of "screaming pain" that will just not go away. This is one “Dear Chief” letter we received from a man who has a very strong life-long right to be very un-happy. His letter starts and ends in quotes, as follows, he wrote:
”…….First of all Happy New Year!
I wanted to tell you why I am doing what I’m doing. Huh?…. You say?
I will be taking my name off the Secret List. I’ve had it with the idiots out there in the fire service.
It is too depressing and aggravating reading what is reported. I buried my Firefighting Son 10 years ago in a LODD and no one can tell me why. This is about the same time I hooked up with your Secret List e-mailing. I’ve read your informational notes in Close Calls and share your site with my FF friends. It makes me sick to read what Firefighters do when the adrenalin is flowing strong and then again, when it isn’t.
=Limited or no PPE (while operating interior) ?
=Heart Attacks with elderly Firefighters (who are operating on the scene) ?
Why in God’s creation are we allowing people with over 50 years experience in the fire service still responding to (and operating at) emergency calls? Studies show time and time again how stressful this job is on a healthy (and young) body. In most cases we are asking for trouble.
You want to decrease cardiac arrest in the fire service? Start with family history, then physicals (weight control!), then mandatory stress classes in every firehouse. Most of these issues, I am sure, happen on the volunteer side of the fire service. Which I know (the excuses of) it being "tough" to regulate when the volunteer population is dangerously decreasing.
I did a talk a couple years ago for the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation. It was a make shift talk since I had little time to prepare, but tried to get through it for the cause. So I spoke from my heart as I went. Whether it was right or not, I started my talk with these Firefighters with:
=="What if you get a call at three in the morning from an IC, or you answer the door at home to see a Fire Chief with tears in his eyes to tell you what just happened to your (Firefighter) Son or Daughter?”
=="Or you answer your door to hear your (Firefighter) Mother &/or Father just died in a fire."
=="What if you were the Fire Chief having to make that call? What if you were the Fire Chief making that call knowing the injury or death was preventable.
What if….CHIEF?
Making sure the equipment is ready does not end in the FD bays. If an Engine has trouble starting or is unsafe we either must fix it or retire it, because it may cause injury or death. If an engine does not go where we want it to (brakes, tires, mechanical systems), we leave it in the bays until we fix what is wrong. Never use apparatus that isn’t 100%.
My point?
I have been a Firefighter for over 15 years and I watched the Mother of my Son sob and cry at our Son’s, our Firefighter Son’s funeral. His brothers cried. We all cried. And as his Dad, I cried so uncontrollably for months wondering why it wasn’t me that was killed-instead of my child, Joey. It should have been me that was killed. Fathers aren’t supposed to bury their children. I went to Emmittsburg as a Father and listened to other LODD Fathers. I’ve shared your information with my people ever since I started reading it. There is always something to learn and share. So, your objective is working.
But…
Personally, I can’t read about the incompetence, or lack of leadership at some fire departments anymore without wanting to throw something or just sitting down and staring at a wall. It just hurts too much.
God Bless. Be Safe, Matt….”
(end of his letter)
HAPPY NEW YEAR. Some letter, huh?
I’ll bet that each of you said “HAPPY NEW YEAR” to someone last night. Some of you may have actually MEANT that. Some of you may have meant it as much as when the cop who gives you a ticket says “Have a Nice Day”. Thanks Officer-I will be sure to. But just in case SOME of you actually MEANT “Happy New Year” …and may be interested in applying some JUDGMENT…so that maybe we have, at least, a BETTER New Year…here are just a few GOOD JUDGMENT items that might help:
-Be personally prepared for the run when the tones go off. Healthy? Eating right? Medical physicals? Is your gear set? Where are your personal tools? Does your light and radio work? Apply some heartfelt judgment.
-Driving to or on the run? Who is qualified to drive? Should “they” be driving? How are they driving? Slow enough to control the rig? Red lights? Stop signs? Is everyone seat belted or would you rather take a chance at slamming into the windshield and being ejected? A little judgment fixes this and avoids you being on the ICU vent until your family decides what to do with you.
-Enough staffing on the 1st alarm to provide water, stretch lines, vent, search, stretch more lines, rescue, supervise inside and all 4 sides outside while tracking all of your FF’s? Any less FF’s responding on the 1st alarm than what is calculably needed is predictably poor judgment. You can’t “do” a 25-30 Firefighter fire with 10 Firefighters and expect it to work well. We lose. The fire wins.
Civilians get killed. We do too.
Better judgment in planning staffing (including auto-mutual aid if that’s what it takes) and response appropriate alarm assignments makes it predictably much better. There were many examples of that in 2008.
-Size Up. Several of the most horrific single family dwelling fire injuries and LODD’s in 2008 were because of poor judgment, specifically with incomplete or non-existent size up. Our response, resources, personnel and equipment must match the worse case scenario potential of what is reported. And we DO know what that is before have the emergency-if we wanna know. Pre-plan your buildings or neighborhoods. Good judgment gets us out of the firehouse and into the field to see what will be on fire soon.
-We ALL Want To Go in. That’s why we joined. Most times we go in and should. But sometimes we can’t go in immediately. Sometimes we must wait or do something other than interior. Sometimes we don’t go in. We all hate that, but judgment applies. For example, when half of the light weight wood truss structure is well involved, we can’t always go in. A decent judgment thought is that when there is no real indication of people trapped, and a significant amount of the house is involved, we may want to focus on getting water on the fire. Get it flowing from the best vantage point asap before working on anything else that “might” be a problem. Maybe interior. Maybe not. Use good judgment in using what you have on the scene at that time to identify, slow down or fix the fire problem. Deal with what we KNOW vs. what if’s or what might be.
“But…but…but what if someone MIGHT be in there!?”
Most times the solution is to put the fire out. Get water on the fire. Quickly.
Look. If any of this is new to you, then you better be a probie. Otherwise, this is stuff we know. Sometimes we just need a reminder. Sometimes we need to be smacked on the helmet-like Joey’s Dad did to us above. And sometimes we need to be reminded that good judgment is a major ingredient to determining if you, them, us and we get to continue to go to fires.
Good judgment coupled with fire experience and training, in most cases, fixes problems. It can usually help avoid them. Not all-we said "most" cases. We can’t forget that …SOMETIMES Firefighters must absolutely take risks when Mom is on the lawn screaming the kids are inside. Sometimes firefighters must risk (and sometimes give) our lives when the risk is pretty clear and good judgment is applied. When the size-up indicators are there…and when we have experienced and trained Firefighters and Fire Officers involved: Our judgment and the risks our Firefighters sometimes take usually pays off without creating any screaming pain for Firefighters parents, spouses, kids …or anyone else.
On behalf of Gordon, Brian, Forest, Chris, Barry and Rudy, we wish each of you and your families a happy, healthy and peaceful 2009.
Take Care,
BillyG
The Secret List 1-1-09 / 2000 hours
