Emotional
Support for Line of Duty Death Survivors
Support for Line of Duty Death Survivors
Author:
Peggy Sweeney
Peggy Sweeney
Local newspaper headlines
report the sad news of another fallen hero; the tragic death of a brave
firefighter who has died in the line of duty. A dedicated professional who
sacrificed his or her life that others may live or that homes and property
would be saved from the ravages of fire. Most people half-heartedly acknowledge
the event while searching for more significant information relating to their
personal lives; a baseball score, stock market figures, want ads, or
horoscopes. This newsworthy article is often overlooked by the casual reader.
Civilians cannot relate to this type of tragedy nor can they comprehend the
depth of grief and pain that every member in the fire service feels. Their
lives will not be changed by this tragedy. Unfortunately, this is not true for
the family and co-workers of this fallen hero. Life as they knew it will never
be the same again. Emotions run rampant and their seemingly normal lives spiral
into a frightening and dark abyss where pain, loneliness, and grief are
constant companions. Surviving this personal tragedy is at times almost
unbearable. How does one survive? What lessons can be learned from these
experiences?
report the sad news of another fallen hero; the tragic death of a brave
firefighter who has died in the line of duty. A dedicated professional who
sacrificed his or her life that others may live or that homes and property
would be saved from the ravages of fire. Most people half-heartedly acknowledge
the event while searching for more significant information relating to their
personal lives; a baseball score, stock market figures, want ads, or
horoscopes. This newsworthy article is often overlooked by the casual reader.
Civilians cannot relate to this type of tragedy nor can they comprehend the
depth of grief and pain that every member in the fire service feels. Their
lives will not be changed by this tragedy. Unfortunately, this is not true for
the family and co-workers of this fallen hero. Life as they knew it will never
be the same again. Emotions run rampant and their seemingly normal lives spiral
into a frightening and dark abyss where pain, loneliness, and grief are
constant companions. Surviving this personal tragedy is at times almost
unbearable. How does one survive? What lessons can be learned from these
experiences?
Before we can learn to cope
with pain and grief, we must first understand why we feel and respond to
traumatic events as we do. In any loss (divorce, loss of a friendship or job,
or geographical relocation) there is grief and mourning. Grief is the
emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual responses human beings
experience when their dreams and plans for life take an unexpected turn.
Mourning is our outward expression (such as crying) to these feelings. A small
loss experience, such as a rained out ballgame or a broken promise, can cause
grief. We are disappointed, saddened, or angry at the outcome. We unwillingly
must surrender control of a situation to unforeseen circumstances or to another
person. Grief and mourning are normal, healthy responses. Each one of us
journeys through grief in our own way and on our own time schedule.
with pain and grief, we must first understand why we feel and respond to
traumatic events as we do. In any loss (divorce, loss of a friendship or job,
or geographical relocation) there is grief and mourning. Grief is the
emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual responses human beings
experience when their dreams and plans for life take an unexpected turn.
Mourning is our outward expression (such as crying) to these feelings. A small
loss experience, such as a rained out ballgame or a broken promise, can cause
grief. We are disappointed, saddened, or angry at the outcome. We unwillingly
must surrender control of a situation to unforeseen circumstances or to another
person. Grief and mourning are normal, healthy responses. Each one of us
journeys through grief in our own way and on our own time schedule.
When someone dies, our
response to this loss is equal to our relationship with this person. The
stronger the emotional bond the more intense the grief reactions. To
illustrate, the death of an acquaintance pales in comparison to the death of a
much loved family member, friend, or co-worker. In addition, the manner of
death (sudden or anticipated) and our personal life stressors will also influence
our grieving.
response to this loss is equal to our relationship with this person. The
stronger the emotional bond the more intense the grief reactions. To
illustrate, the death of an acquaintance pales in comparison to the death of a
much loved family member, friend, or co-worker. In addition, the manner of
death (sudden or anticipated) and our personal life stressors will also influence
our grieving.
When our loved one dies
suddenly (auto accident, heart attack, line of duty death) we experience
immediate grief. There is no time for goodbyes. We cannot tell them we love
them, let them know how much we value their friendship, or ask forgiveness. In
contrast, when a loved one dies from a long-term illness or injury (anticipated
death) we may have had the opportunity to prepare for the loss. This is not to
say that we will not grieve following an anticipated death but rather that our
length of grieving and the extent of our pain may be lessened somewhat because
we have expressed our thoughts and vocalized our love and have helped the one
who is dying accept their death and put closure to their life. Furthermore, our
grieving process may be complicated by various everyday problems like
job-related stress, family struggles (such as divorce), financial worries, or
personal health issues. These distractions can greatly influence our ability to
focus on our grieving which can delay or even suppress the grieving process.
suddenly (auto accident, heart attack, line of duty death) we experience
immediate grief. There is no time for goodbyes. We cannot tell them we love
them, let them know how much we value their friendship, or ask forgiveness. In
contrast, when a loved one dies from a long-term illness or injury (anticipated
death) we may have had the opportunity to prepare for the loss. This is not to
say that we will not grieve following an anticipated death but rather that our
length of grieving and the extent of our pain may be lessened somewhat because
we have expressed our thoughts and vocalized our love and have helped the one
who is dying accept their death and put closure to their life. Furthermore, our
grieving process may be complicated by various everyday problems like
job-related stress, family struggles (such as divorce), financial worries, or
personal health issues. These distractions can greatly influence our ability to
focus on our grieving which can delay or even suppress the grieving process.
Healing grief is not an easy
task. Your grief journey is like a roller coaster ride. Just when you think you
are doing better, a memory or a special event in your life will hurl you into
the depths of despair. Rejoice in the good moments and days you have; they will
help you survive the more painful and lonely ones. Surviving a loss takes a
very long time; many months or even years. Get plenty of rest, eat healthy, and
exercise. A journal of your thoughts and experiences will mark your progress in
healing and your reinvestments in life and living. It’s ok to cry. This is not
a sign of weakness. You are not going crazy. You are very normal.
task. Your grief journey is like a roller coaster ride. Just when you think you
are doing better, a memory or a special event in your life will hurl you into
the depths of despair. Rejoice in the good moments and days you have; they will
help you survive the more painful and lonely ones. Surviving a loss takes a
very long time; many months or even years. Get plenty of rest, eat healthy, and
exercise. A journal of your thoughts and experiences will mark your progress in
healing and your reinvestments in life and living. It’s ok to cry. This is not
a sign of weakness. You are not going crazy. You are very normal.
Do children grieve? Many
people believe that children are resilient. When someone they love dies, they
may continue their normal behaviors (playing, interacting with their peers, or
even misbehaving) in spite of this person’s death. It may appear that this
death has not made an impact on their lives. Do not be deceived. Children, even
toddlers, are affected and do grieve. It is important to continue their normal
routine as much as possible. They will need tender, loving care. While it may
seem that they are adjusting to life after the funeral, it is imperative to
keep the lines of communication open. Do not be afraid to share your feelings
and frustrations with them. Don’t shy away from talking about the deceased
person or asking the child how they are feeling. Be aware that some adolescents
and teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol as a means of coping with their
grief and emotional pain. A family that has suffered the devastation of loss
must reach out and help one another.
people believe that children are resilient. When someone they love dies, they
may continue their normal behaviors (playing, interacting with their peers, or
even misbehaving) in spite of this person’s death. It may appear that this
death has not made an impact on their lives. Do not be deceived. Children, even
toddlers, are affected and do grieve. It is important to continue their normal
routine as much as possible. They will need tender, loving care. While it may
seem that they are adjusting to life after the funeral, it is imperative to
keep the lines of communication open. Do not be afraid to share your feelings
and frustrations with them. Don’t shy away from talking about the deceased
person or asking the child how they are feeling. Be aware that some adolescents
and teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol as a means of coping with their
grief and emotional pain. A family that has suffered the devastation of loss
must reach out and help one another.
A line of duty death impacts
the life of every member of the department as well as their families. It is
imperative that they are given information about grief and how to cope with the
pain and suffering it creates. The tragic event may trigger nightmares,
anxiety, anger, or guilt. It is very important to their physical health and
emotional well being that these men and women are provided with an outlet to
express their feelings. As a result of this life-altering event, they may
question their self-worth. They may wonder if anyone appreciates the risks they
take.
the life of every member of the department as well as their families. It is
imperative that they are given information about grief and how to cope with the
pain and suffering it creates. The tragic event may trigger nightmares,
anxiety, anger, or guilt. It is very important to their physical health and
emotional well being that these men and women are provided with an outlet to
express their feelings. As a result of this life-altering event, they may
question their self-worth. They may wonder if anyone appreciates the risks they
take.
There are many lessons to be
learned on the journey through grief. This special hero has touched many lives
and in their living and dying they have shared their gifts and talents and have
taught us the value of life. Reach out to adults and children who may be
hurting emotionally and share with them all you learned from your grief
experience. By reinvesting in life and sharing love with others you will honor
this hero who made the ultimate sacrifice. In so doing, they will never be
forgotten.
learned on the journey through grief. This special hero has touched many lives
and in their living and dying they have shared their gifts and talents and have
taught us the value of life. Reach out to adults and children who may be
hurting emotionally and share with them all you learned from your grief
experience. By reinvesting in life and sharing love with others you will honor
this hero who made the ultimate sacrifice. In so doing, they will never be
forgotten.
Copyright 2008 Peggy Sweeney. All rights reserved.
About the Author: Peggy Sweeney is the founder and president of
the Sweeney Alliance, a non-profit company providing educational programs,
resources, and support services for families and professionals coping with grief
and traumatic events. Since 1997, she has taught her Grieving Behind the Badge
program for firefighters and other emergency response personnel, their
families, and department chaplains throughout the United States and Canada.
the Sweeney Alliance, a non-profit company providing educational programs,
resources, and support services for families and professionals coping with grief
and traumatic events. Since 1997, she has taught her Grieving Behind the Badge
program for firefighters and other emergency response personnel, their
families, and department chaplains throughout the United States and Canada.
Peggy is the author of
award-winning articles dealing with
the sensitive issues that come with job-related stress and grief in emergency
services and public safety. Her writings have been featured in numerous print
and electronic publications including the Los Angeles Fire Firefighter
newspaper (former staff writer), Federation of Fire Chaplains, and the Firefighter’s
Bible.
award-winning articles dealing with
the sensitive issues that come with job-related stress and grief in emergency
services and public safety. Her writings have been featured in numerous print
and electronic publications including the Los Angeles Fire Firefighter
newspaper (former staff writer), Federation of Fire Chaplains, and the Firefighter’s
Bible.
Peggy is currently a mortician and bereavement educator. She volunteers
in her community as a member of the Comfort (TX) Volunteer Fire Department and
mentor for the Bridging the Gap bereaved children’s program. She has worked as
an EMT-B. You may contact Peggy at
in her community as a member of the Comfort (TX) Volunteer Fire Department and
mentor for the Bridging the Gap bereaved children’s program. She has worked as
an EMT-B. You may contact Peggy at
(830) 377-7389, by email at [email protected] or through her blog
at
at
sweeney-alliance.org/grievingbehindthebadge
