One of the objectives when the Personal Survival Page was constructed was to share successful “survival” stories. The key being to identify the struggle and then have the individual share how they dealt with that struggle to come out on the other side. Hopefully these would provide guidance and hope to others struggling. The following story shared by Captain Long of the Camp Taylor Fire Protection District hits the mark head on.
PERSONAL SURVIVAL
Capt. Michael A. Long
Inherently, firefighting is a profession where we put everything on the line to save the lives and property of the citizens in our communities. We are continuously taking risks to do the job we have elected to do and many times putting our own safety and well being at risk with little or nothing to gain. By our very nature, we are aggressive in wanting to get the fire out and save whatever property (both physical and personal) that we can, only to see within a few days the property being destroyed and removed to make way for new construction. Were our efforts really worth the risk? That is a question that can only be answered upon the arrival of each call. We as firefighters must better ourselves in making those judgment calls to ensure our personal survival.
On July 25, 2010, I was responding to a mutual aid call for a structure fire. The fire originated in the basement of a single family dwelling and upon our arrival was still free burning. Our companies were not on the initial dispatch; however we were requested for manpower due to the extreme weather conditions that day. Crews had made entry trying to combat the fire, but at this point were unsuccessful. Upon our arrival, we spoke with the Incident Commander and suggested what should have been a simple evolution with minimal exposure time. Unfortunately, this did not turn out to be the case. Prior to my crew making entry, I had crawled into the structure to have another crew exit due to the operation we were going to conduct. Once they were out, I checked the floor and led my crew in the front door. Upon making entry, I reached approximately 5 feet inside when two-thirds of the first floor collapsed at once plunging me into the basement in the middle of the fire. Luckily, the rest of my crew had not yet crossed the threshold and were still on the porch. With the aid of my crew and a roof ladder, I was able to climb out of the basement, but only after sustaining 2nd and 3rd degree burns to my legs and arm.
I spent the next 15 days in the Intensive Care Burn Unit. I underwent skin graft surgery to repair the damage to both legs. I was released after 15 days due to my wife and I both having substantial medical training and the hospital staff felt that we could do at home the same thing they were doing in the hospital. The recovery at home was a long slow process. Infection and fluid loss were issues. The mental strain was worse than the healing of the burns.
Physically, with intense rehab, I was able to return to work on November 1, 2010 with the only restriction being I had to wear compression garments on my legs. Mentally, I was worried about returning to work not knowing how I would react when I had to enter another smoke filled structure. I was determined that the fire on July 25th was not going to be the fire that beat me, but that still did not help the nervousness.
For better than two months at home, I was unable to lie flat on my back because every time I did I felt like I was back on that basement floor burning alive. I could not be in a totally dark room without feeling closed in and trapped. Doing the debriment myself made it easier than someone else scrubbing my legs, but every time I touched those areas I felt the burning all over again. I was worried about my crew and how they were dealing with watching one of their own burn. This was especially true for my Deputy Chief, who is also my brother-in-law. I kept thinking how could he have handled having to tell his sister and nephews that he watched her husband and their Father die.
While I was off from work, I had a few people ask me about speaking to someone to try and help cope with my anxiety. Call me stubborn, but I personally had an issue speaking to someone outside of the fire service about what happened in a fire. Unless you have done this job and walked in these boots, you really do not understand what goes on in the mind of a firefighter. I did speak with my fellow firefighters from my department as well as other departments. My wife and I spent countless hours talking. She fortunately grew up in a firefighting family and also works for our Emergency Medical Service, so she understands the stress and the realities of the situation. I talked to my kids very openly from the beginning as I wanted them to understand what was going on with me and not be scared, but also to help me heal through them. Their own words of encouragement went a long way. I also have a very good friend in a retired Deputy Coroner who has had many life threatening trials of his own. He and I have spent hours talking and helping each other through our difficulties.
My own personal therapy began in the hospital when I asked for photos to be taken of the injuries while being treated and then to have photos taken during the surgery. My intention was to use my bad experience to train and educate others of the process you may go through if you are ever in this situation. We do a good job of trying to train our people how to stay safe, but we lack in what they could go through if they are injured. I taught several classes about this prior to my return to active duty and I still travel anywhere I am requested to teach about lessons learned and what you will go through. If I can change the thinking of at least one firefighter, then the teaching has been worthwhile. These classes give me the opportunity to speak about my experience and openly share what I did and still feel. This has been my therapy; trying to turn a negative into a positive for others.
It has been just over a year since I returned to work and I still have issues. I have a continuous pain in both of my legs that will never go away. I have reversed sensations in both legs; when things are hot my legs in the damaged areas either have no feeling or feel cold. Of course I will always have the visible scars to remind me of that day. Simple things can trigger a flashback or reminder of that day from a statement made by someone to a television commercial. My wife and I are in the process of adopting twin baby girls and the simple aroma of the Johnson’s baby soap that we use on them brings my thoughts back to the recovery. During the time when I had open wounds at the hospital and up until my return to work, Johnson’s baby soap was the only soap I was allowed to use.
I have made entry into several fires since my return to active duty; however I now have a stronger sense of self preservation and the protection of my crew. For the past 27+ years I have been in the fire service, I have been an aggressive firefighter with the willingness to push myself and that safety envelope to its extreme. I would not put my crew in danger and thus I would either lead or go places I would not permit them to go. I would always put the community I protect ahead of my own personal survival because that is an inherent risk we take. I now look at things a bit differently. When I was released from the hospital, the first place I wanted to go was back to the fire scene. Upon arrival there, the structure had already been leveled to make way for a new home. I began asking myself was it really worth it? What did I accomplish by doing what I did and getting hurt? The only thing I accomplished is giving myself a life of complications and putting my family both at home and at the firehouse through hell. We lost a few firefighters after my incident because they began thinking “that could have been me”. I now do a much better analysis of a fire scene upon arrival. Is there a chance for survivability if reported to be a rescue? Is there a chance of salvaging the property or is it going to be destroyed anyway? I have always tried to be safe and to especially keep my crew safe, but now I have intensified those efforts. I want to ensure that at the end of the day, “Everyone Goes Home”. When the Fire Department is called, it is because someone else is having a really bad day and we are just the ones that can fix or solve the problem. We do not need to contribute to that problem by getting ourselves hurt or killed trying to help others. We need to serve others the best we can, bring everyone home and be prepared to continue to serve others when the next call gets dispatched. We need to continue to do our jobs, but with a renewed sense of cautious aggressiveness and remember that it is not our emergency and we do not need to become part of the problem. Your personal safety and your family have to come first.
Take care and be safe.
