Reach out and Share

We at FirefighterCloseCalls hope that 2012 is a great year for you full of happiness and health both physically and mentally. One way to promote that happiness is to share success stories of those who have reached out for help, found that to be successful and in this case had the courage to share with a respected comrade. Half the time the courage to talk to a fellow firefighter can make a significant impact to ease many psychological burdens.

Dear Darrell,

I want to thank you for the weekend for the truly amazing pump operations training and talking with me. It was so good to be able to, in a way, escape all of the troubles of the world and be with brothers. The time I was able to spend with all of you was great. I was happy to be with my brothers and to finally meet John Fitzwilliam! I really cannot express how much this weekend has done for healing in this time of great sorrow and troubles.

I was originally not planning on going for training that weekend because of some small things regarding EMT class and other obligations. Given the circumstances, I canceled all other plans and made sure that I made it to Medina to be with my brothers. Just being around all of the guys and academy eased my mind and for the first time I forgot about what had happened.

As you may or may not know, this is not the first time that a tragedy like this has unfolded upon me. June of last year, my good friend Roy, did the same exact thing and I responded on that call also. He did make it to the hospital in a permanent coma which he died in a month later. I had no real way to cope with an event of this magnitude, I became extremely dependent on alcohol and tobacco. It was an extremely dark and troubling time for myself. I did not feel like I could trust anyone enough to talk to with my problems which included my parents, biological siblings, and girlfriend. It impacted me in multiple ways, I broke up with my girlfriend, distant from family, and was very depressed. It took me six months to drag myself to a debriefing. I have not consumed any alcohol or tobacco products for many months, I am much more stable. I feel like I must stay strong, participating in things such as alcohol and tobacco only masks the problems and creates more emotional distress. I feel more in control now and feel so much better with life and can cope. Making life’s problems with these substances have only complicated my situation.

After the debriefing i felt so much better and started to enjoy life once again. That night with Roy changed my life forever. After thought, i would do it over in a second. Without that night i would not be the strong person i am today. I know this is a grim and cold statement, but it is true. It is what made the other night with Dylan so much more emotionally controlled.

As you have said to me, most Emergency Medical Responders usually go to calls with people they don’t know. I have now gone through two critical incidents involving two very good friends. It is very hard to talk to high school friends about things of any magnitude at all. It really feels like they are fourth graders, they will never understand what I have gone through and will continue to to through. This is why talking to you, jake, john, and towers was so great for me. I got to talk to brothers who actually understood me and made this time around so much easier to cope with.

Being at the academy the other weekend was exactly what I needed. I was with my brothers, and I could really express my thoughts and not be judged. I felt bittersweet that I was able to be there when Jake found out that his uncle also took his life. Me and Jake were in the Lodge getting ready for bed and I was talking to him about my experience half crying, and then he got a text saying to call right away there was an emergency. Jake called and found out then. At that time I threw my feelings completely aside and forgot them and helped him through the troubling times he was experiencing. This time was a De-briefing in its own, it helped me heal and carry on with the duties and hardships of the emergency medical and firefighting fields. I did go through a tear jerking De-briefing with ambulance members a week later.

If I did not attend Fire Academy… I would have missed out on SO MUCH! I have thought about all the good times, laughs, and opportunities I would have missed. Without attending academy, I would no longer be on the Ambulance after two good friends, I would not be interested in the fire service, I would be in a world of hurt. You have kept me strong, you have taught me so much about firefighting and coping. I am reading the book you gave me about CISD and am planning on watching the tape soon.

I really cannot possible express my thanks to you and everyone enough. Without the Fire Academy, my life would be in a completely different place… and I can guarantee you, not a very good one at all!

With Great Love Your Fellow Brother & Friend,

Coltyn Joe Blotske

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