An article written
from the perspective of a “Survivor” who had the courage to share his story.
The message is clear when in need reach out for help and when those reach out
to you for assistance make sure you help!!!
from the perspective of a “Survivor” who had the courage to share his story.
The message is clear when in need reach out for help and when those reach out
to you for assistance make sure you help!!!
Recently I have been
reading the articles on the increasing cases of firefighter suicides. I am glad
to see that the problem is being recognized and that some municipalities are
taking an active approach to help those that serve the public.
reading the articles on the increasing cases of firefighter suicides. I am glad
to see that the problem is being recognized and that some municipalities are
taking an active approach to help those that serve the public.
Public safety personnel
are definitely less likely to seek personal help. I am one of them. I felt how
could I help others if I can’t help myself. However, when the breaking point
came my municipality did not ask why or how. They instead used my crisis as a
way to eliminate another firefighter off the rolls and save the city those
dreaded dollars.
are definitely less likely to seek personal help. I am one of them. I felt how
could I help others if I can’t help myself. However, when the breaking point
came my municipality did not ask why or how. They instead used my crisis as a
way to eliminate another firefighter off the rolls and save the city those
dreaded dollars.
I am 42 years old and
have been involved with the fire service since 1986. A volunteer from 1986 to 2003 I served in
many positions within the organizational structure. In 2003 I was hired as a career firefighter
and enjoyed my job immensely. A State
fire instructor since 1994, I passed on my knowledge to the future of the fire
service. Part-time I consulted with
health, safety and environmental firm.
have been involved with the fire service since 1986. A volunteer from 1986 to 2003 I served in
many positions within the organizational structure. In 2003 I was hired as a career firefighter
and enjoyed my job immensely. A State
fire instructor since 1994, I passed on my knowledge to the future of the fire
service. Part-time I consulted with
health, safety and environmental firm.
Over two years mounting pressure
of possible lay-offs and elimination of longevity from my pay caused a constant
thought in the back of my mind of what I was going to do for employment if I
was laid off from the fire department. This combined with a divorce, financial
burdens, the holidays and other family issues built up to a point that my
consumption of alcohol increased beyond what I knew and realized. Working extra
part-time jobs gave me little if no time for myself and when I had the days off
I would hide in my home and drink to satisfy myself and feel good.
of possible lay-offs and elimination of longevity from my pay caused a constant
thought in the back of my mind of what I was going to do for employment if I
was laid off from the fire department. This combined with a divorce, financial
burdens, the holidays and other family issues built up to a point that my
consumption of alcohol increased beyond what I knew and realized. Working extra
part-time jobs gave me little if no time for myself and when I had the days off
I would hide in my home and drink to satisfy myself and feel good.
In December 2010,I broke
down 10 days before Christmas. While off-duty and two days before my tour, I
went on a bender. I do not remember any of the events that occurred during
those two days. I was in a blackout where I was functioning and reacting, just
not knowing. I came around when I was being read my charges in prison. It was
the night before I was in my kitchen, broken down and highly intoxicated that I
fired 5 shots from a .38 special. Up till this point I had never been charged
with anything in my life. Never even a parking ticket. My wife at the time came
home found me in this intoxicated condition, firing my weapon, left and phoned
police.
down 10 days before Christmas. While off-duty and two days before my tour, I
went on a bender. I do not remember any of the events that occurred during
those two days. I was in a blackout where I was functioning and reacting, just
not knowing. I came around when I was being read my charges in prison. It was
the night before I was in my kitchen, broken down and highly intoxicated that I
fired 5 shots from a .38 special. Up till this point I had never been charged
with anything in my life. Never even a parking ticket. My wife at the time came
home found me in this intoxicated condition, firing my weapon, left and phoned
police.
The question was never
asked if I ever had any mental health issues in the past, even though I was
diagnosed with major reoccurring depression. This diagnosis was made 5 months
earlier when I was committed to a locked ward of the local hospital for 5
days. It was that time I was again
intoxicated and had tried to end my life with prescription Ativan. The combination of these two drugs produces
definite black out effects and death.
asked if I ever had any mental health issues in the past, even though I was
diagnosed with major reoccurring depression. This diagnosis was made 5 months
earlier when I was committed to a locked ward of the local hospital for 5
days. It was that time I was again
intoxicated and had tried to end my life with prescription Ativan. The combination of these two drugs produces
definite black out effects and death.
Much of my depression
stemmed from past events of brothers that died in the line of duty that were
close friends. Over many years all of it built up. I did seek counseling only during the past
year. However, I never told my counselor
the whole story. The night of my final
breakdown I should have been in a hospital. A medical evaluation made and blood alcohol content taken. Why would a person with high moral character
act like this? The question was never
asked and it was right off to jail.
stemmed from past events of brothers that died in the line of duty that were
close friends. Over many years all of it built up. I did seek counseling only during the past
year. However, I never told my counselor
the whole story. The night of my final
breakdown I should have been in a hospital. A medical evaluation made and blood alcohol content taken. Why would a person with high moral character
act like this? The question was never
asked and it was right off to jail.
The help I got was from
my union brothers while in prison. One in particular assisted with getting me
legal representation and I was furloughed to an in-patient rehabilitation
center for my alcoholism. I was finally on the right track getting the help I
needed. The city suspended me without
pay till my sentencing day. Never once was I contacted by the city as to, how I
was or what happened. Instead word from my union members was that I was to be
fired at the end of my legal process.
my union brothers while in prison. One in particular assisted with getting me
legal representation and I was furloughed to an in-patient rehabilitation
center for my alcoholism. I was finally on the right track getting the help I
needed. The city suspended me without
pay till my sentencing day. Never once was I contacted by the city as to, how I
was or what happened. Instead word from my union members was that I was to be
fired at the end of my legal process.
The local newspaper
pointed out the events that occurred and
that I was a city firefighter. They used
the charge against me to lead to my termination, even though I did not break
and rules for off duty conduct. At that
time there were no rules and were made up on a situational basis.
pointed out the events that occurred and
that I was a city firefighter. They used
the charge against me to lead to my termination, even though I did not break
and rules for off duty conduct. At that
time there were no rules and were made up on a situational basis.
Today, my coat and boots
are in the attic. Fire trucks go by, as I watch and do nothing. I live in another city and work with a plastics
company as a laborer. Because of the news via the Internet my 17 years as a
state fire instructor came to an abrupt halt. My part-time employment with the
safety-consulting firm also ended with silence. I guess they just choose not to
use me anymore. The union continues to fight for my job. However, other
possible lay offs our on their main agenda at this time in a distressed city.
are in the attic. Fire trucks go by, as I watch and do nothing. I live in another city and work with a plastics
company as a laborer. Because of the news via the Internet my 17 years as a
state fire instructor came to an abrupt halt. My part-time employment with the
safety-consulting firm also ended with silence. I guess they just choose not to
use me anymore. The union continues to fight for my job. However, other
possible lay offs our on their main agenda at this time in a distressed city.
I did get the help that I
needed and continue to seek help. My story is so bizarre and there is much more
to it. Bottom line is……. There are those willing to help and those that do
not. The disease of alcoholism was used against me, but never mentioned. I just
never want to see fellow public safety professionals go through an ordeal like
mine. I was out to end my life again in December either by myself with the
pistol or by other means and today I know to ask for help! I got the help and know how to deal and cope
with all the issues that so bothered me.
needed and continue to seek help. My story is so bizarre and there is much more
to it. Bottom line is……. There are those willing to help and those that do
not. The disease of alcoholism was used against me, but never mentioned. I just
never want to see fellow public safety professionals go through an ordeal like
mine. I was out to end my life again in December either by myself with the
pistol or by other means and today I know to ask for help! I got the help and know how to deal and cope
with all the issues that so bothered me.
For the individual like
myself, you have to want the help and ask. We can only change ourselves. I
was sick and tired of being sick and tired. There are organizations out there that will provide help and
direction. Most health insurance
companies offer mental health and substance abuse coverage in their plans. Recovery is a hard bumpy road, but through
determination and faith anyone can make it.
myself, you have to want the help and ask. We can only change ourselves. I
was sick and tired of being sick and tired. There are organizations out there that will provide help and
direction. Most health insurance
companies offer mental health and substance abuse coverage in their plans. Recovery is a hard bumpy road, but through
determination and faith anyone can make it.
The employer should be
willing to recognize and listen to affected individuals. They have to remember that mental health
issues and substance abuse is a disease. They should not be as quick to criticize, but rather offer the help when
it is wanted. Employee assistance
programs should be in place and advertised. Once again these organizations and facilities can form a pact with the
municipality in the event of a crisis with an employee to provide assistance in
an emergency situation. I am so happy
that help is being provided to fire, police, ems and all other safety
professionals. I appreciate these articles and will continue to look for
updates. As I had stated before I do not
want to see anyone fall into the horrible circumstances that I experienced. I
encourage you to ask for help. If you
have a mental health issue or substance abuse problem help is available and YOU
ARE NOT ALONE!
willing to recognize and listen to affected individuals. They have to remember that mental health
issues and substance abuse is a disease. They should not be as quick to criticize, but rather offer the help when
it is wanted. Employee assistance
programs should be in place and advertised. Once again these organizations and facilities can form a pact with the
municipality in the event of a crisis with an employee to provide assistance in
an emergency situation. I am so happy
that help is being provided to fire, police, ems and all other safety
professionals. I appreciate these articles and will continue to look for
updates. As I had stated before I do not
want to see anyone fall into the horrible circumstances that I experienced. I
encourage you to ask for help. If you
have a mental health issue or substance abuse problem help is available and YOU
ARE NOT ALONE!
