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WELCOME TO PERSONAL SURVIVAL BY FIRE CHIEF PAT KENNY (Ret.)

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Welcome to a new page and hopefully the addition of a positive chapter consistent with the mission of Firefighter Close Calls, which strives to bring forward issues involving injury and death to firefighters. These are often issues that are ignored, quickly forgotten or just not talked about. I think this Personal
Survival page fits that description especially as it applies to “just not talked about.”
The motivation for the new page originates in a couple of different arenas. The first is to support the 13th Life Safety Initiative from the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation “Provide firefighters and
their families access to counseling and psychological support.”The second is my own personal “close call” and lessons learned.

 

I approached Chief Goldfeder with the thought that unfortunately in the fire service discussion about close calls pertaining to mental health are not discussed. Many times the stigma of a suicide in a department by a member of that department or a member of their family is kept hidden. The result can lead to harmful situations for the surviving family members both inside and outside the
department.
We do not share the warning signs are in some cases even after the situation occurred. This denial leads to less likelihood that a firefighter who has experienced a close call in his or her own life, and lived to tell about it, would not feel comfortable sharing that experience.
I have been providing lectures for the last year across the country in an effort to shed light on mental health challenges and have been struck by the magnitude of this problem. Specifically we are losing firefighters to suicide in higher numbers than I imagined. Major cities are battling this dilemma in their career organizations with both active and retired members. Volunteer organizations face the reality that many times the dramatic calls they respond to involve someone they know. The effect can be both powerful and devastating.
As was the case when “The Secret List” originated, the only way we are going to prevent losing more firefighters to mental health related issues is to share our stories. Those stories are not isolated to events that lead to devastation such as suicide. On the contrary, I believe there are many stories out there of
firefighters who have had “close calls” in their own lives, sought help and are very successful today.
This page is intended to encourage people to share those stories anonymously. What was the close call
in your organization or in your life? How was it successfully dealt with even if it was after the fact? By sharing can you provide hope to those firefighters struggling today that they are not alone and there are steps they can take to find safe haven? I believe the answer to that question is a resounding yes and I am willing to start the process.
The heroic persona of a firefighter that provides the courage and fortitude needed in difficult situations also works against us when we are faced with mental health challenges. While a damaged knee is not considered a weakness, an ailing mind does not receive the same compassion.
My close call relates to the loss of my son Sean through suicide after years of suffering mental illness. I was the Chief of the Department at the time and I did not share my story with my department or others around me. We battled this as a family for years and yet I kept it a secret. That heroic persona that serve you so well under emergency conditions naturally leads to the “tough it out” mentality. I can tell you from my experience there is no way to tough out losing your child, whether by accident or illness. As a priest friend of mine put it “you just joined a fraternity no one wants to belong to.”
I needed to seek professional help. I tried to go back to “normal”, whatever that was, but I found the pain too overwhelming to handle alone. I can say for the very first time after Sean passed I actually had a glimpse of the deep depression he felt every day. The pain is just as real as a fractured leg. The same result will occur if there is no professional intervention and that is a deteriorating
condition.

My close call became feeling as though my career was over. As a leader my credibility was gone. I could not save my own son so how could I protect my own firefighters? What would they think of me and how could they follow me? That sense of loss of pride and identity sent me into a powerful depression. If it were not for the fact that the therapist who had dealt with my son also was the sister of a firefighter; I am not sure I would’ve reached out even in the pain I was in.

Her familiarity with the fire service culture opened the door. She forced me to face my demons of guilt and self doubt with an understanding that my profession and my own “heroic persona” was going to add to my difficulty to mentally begin the healing process. She hit me head on with putting my cape down and realizing not only was I not Superman, I also was not God and both those realities were okay!

My story has a positive ending. I miss my son each and every day but I did return to my department and chose to reach out with my story. My close call became a situation where I learned many lessons while in therapy that I would like to share if you are suffering out there or know of someone who is.
First lesson learned is to find out if your department has access to a therapist that firefighters can turn to when faced with mental health concerns. I am talking about someone you have met, not just a name at the end of an employee assistance program business card. My therapist’s experience with the fire service was instrumental in opening my heart to hear what she was saying and believing she actually knew how I felt.

Fire departments need to seek out mental health professionals who at least have a basic knowledge of what firefighters face on a daily basis. If the firefighter feels no connection with the therapist the likelihood of success is severely diminished. From the therapist viewpoint I would also imagine it is very
difficult to treat someone you do not understand.

Make contact with the therapist and think about inviting them to come in once a year and meet with each shift or on a drill night when all are in attendance. Let them meet the people in your department with the goal not to have a group therapy session but rather to get to know what exactly a firefighter does. How about offering ride time to that individual as another tool to benefit all?

Second lesson learned is you can impact how accepting the culture is in your department to deal with those battling mental health issues, whether it’s a fellow firefighter or family member. By not sharing with my department to a larger degree my struggles and that of my son I was sending the message that you do not talk about mental illness as if it was some dark secret and something to be ashamed of.

I am a big role model guy and here was an opportunity to model this progressive notion that mental health is just as important and real as the physical side. Instead of seizing that opportunity I shied away from it under the rationalization that I was “saving” everyone from that pain. I can tell you the reaction since my son’s death has reinforced the notion that many in our profession suffer similar mental health challenges either in their own family or on their fire service family.

If I had been more public about my son’s illness I could have nurtured the culture in a positive way, not only in my department but neighboring organizations, to be open to mental health issues. Now I am not proposing that everyone bears their most private issues at roll call each morning but what I am saying is that the concern for and maintenance of the mental health side of our profession is lagging way behind the physical side. We better wake up and understand that it is a worthy challenger to our firefighter‘s well being as well as our own. Just the increase in documented cases of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome should have our antennae up.

I have prayed to take something positive away from losing my son and so the final lesson learned is the most important and the one my son Sean taught me. Those who suffer from mental health challenges, no matter to what degree, are wonderful and courageous people. They are no more weak or responsible for their illnesses as is someone who is diagnosed with a terminal physical illness. Their disease is not something you can see like a tumor on an x-ray but it is just as real and needs support and treatment.
So I challenge you that if you have suffered “a close call” yourself in the area of mental health, whether as the result of a response to an emergency situation, nonemergency situation or family crisis; please share what you did and/or others around you did for all to come out on the other side! I trust it will motivate some to not feel so alone or “different”. Empower them as opposed to them feeling they are “weak” in some way.
It is true that many mental illnesses cannot be cured but they can be managed! Please share the methods, procedures or just plain advice to help other firefighters in need working their way through their current challenges. You will directly be helping them as well as their families. It is time to shine the light on mental health challenges as we have done with physical fitness standards. There are many devastating stories we read after the fact of firefighter suicides. We need to read about close calls with positive outcomes!
It is our goal in the future to share not only stories related to mental health challenges and solutions but also links to educational websites and various mental health resources throughout the country.